Last week I lost one of my dogs, Twilight. She woke up severely anemic and her heart gave out during a blood transfusion. It’s been a hard week and I’m devastated that she is no longer with us. I’ve never lost someone really close to me. So you probably will think this is silly of me especially if you don’t have a four legged friend that was as special to you as she was to me. I try to keep my posts as uplifting as possible when I’m talking about my life, but I’m just too overwhelmed with sorrow. My sister says she was a dog that had lots of character such as when she use to bark at her treats before she ate them or how she would sleep at the head of the bed like a person. I miss her terribly and just felt that I wouldn’t be honest with myself or with you if I didn’t take a day to dedicate my blog to her.
From my grief I realized quite a many things that I hadn’t before. I spent much of this week filled with tears and regret. I thought about her last few weeks on earth and how miserable they seemed for her and I thought about all the signs she gave me that she wouldn’t be around for much longer. Maybe I was in denial or maybe I was just too busy. I felt like I failed her in some way. It saddens me that I didn’t get to hold her as much in the last few weeks and it pains me that I never got to express to her how much she was loved before her passing.
Lately Ive been looking back at pictures of her. They make me wish that she is here with me everyday, but mostly I am so grateful to have them! The memories within them are priceless and you don’t realize how special those images are until moments like this in your life when you NEED them.
Lance has been sending me old pictures he took on his phone with just the the two of us. I use to look at those pictures and think I was fat or “ew, I have no makeup on”. But now I look at them and remember the good times. Like how she use to curl on my back as I watched tv on the couch or the time we took her to Cabo and every morning we would come down to the beach and she would pick out her spot for the day.
During the first days of losing her, one of the things I found the hardest was waking up in the morning and coming to terms with the fact that she wasn’t laying in bed with us, and then as I walked down the hallway to the kitchen it dawned on me that I could never give her a treat again, or snuggle on the couch with her. Two days after I looked through our old photos of her and through tears I purchased the biggest canvas I could of her. It came in the mail today and I couldn’t wait to hang it up. If you are meeting me for the first time you probably might think this is odd or morbid, but It was my way of seeing her every day and in a way it comforted me that she could still metaphorically hang out in the living room with us.
I guess by now, you probably know where I’m going with this post, but I’m going to say it anyway because I think it’s one of those things that we often take for granted until someone says it out load. I hear too often people making excuses for why they don’t invest in pictures and what breaks my heart more is the reason why people don’t get into pictures. Whether it be that they don’t feel thin enough or that they don’t value photography. You may not see it today, tomorrow or even 2 years from now, but one day, one day when it REALLY matters you will wish you had those pictures and YOU WILL NEVER EVER say I look fat or I’m not wearing any make-up or I spent way to much money on those images. What you will say is “Gosh, I’m so glad we have these memories.”
Most importantly what needs to be said, I do believe this is the one instance in life that the quantity of it doesn’t minimized the quality. Capture these precious memories with abandon. With your camera, with your cell phone, and most of all with your love! We have the gift to be able to freeze time with a click of a button. Take advantage of it and don’t waste it on things that really doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of your wonderful life.
Sweet Girl, I hope where ever you are there is sand in your paws, and the sound of crashing waves forever nestles you to sleep, but mostly I hope that you are best friends with a squirrel because I know how much you love squirrels.